Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Procrastinating cuz I'm a wimp
Avoiding my computer to avoid writing the first original Shut Up and Love blog post hasn’t really been doing me any favors. I dreamt last night that the blogosphere (personified by a lurid, glass-eyed repairman cum child molester in an anonymous white van) was chasing after me, driving through buildings.
I procrastinated even starting this blog, because I dreaded having my failure-of-a-blog searchable on THE Internet - forever. I’ve done these evasive maneuvers before. I avoided any potential partner for damn near a year after a brutal breakup, because I was afraid my next failure-of-a-relationship would run me over. Obviously, I didn’t acknowledge my gun-shyness then. I pouted, “Why isn’t there anyone in the state of Georgia who will sleep with me?” Really, past self? Really, no one in this entire great state will sleep with you?
I was like the INS interviewer from Hell. [Are you emotionally available? Yes? APPLICATION DENIED! (end scene)] I would only allow myself to be attracted to men from out-of-state or married men or men with serious immigration status problems, and there were plenty. Seriously, I might have never run out of excuses not to fall in love again. Ultimately, I was tricked by a strapping foreigner who I thought would surely return to Germany when he finished his PhD – what a convenient exit strategy and how much fun we could have until then! Today, we’ve been together for 15 months, and I went to Frankfurt to meet his parents just this Christmas. I am disgustingly in love, and I’m really sorry for all the freakouts I had when I realized too late that you actually wanted a healthy relationship.