Thursday, January 29, 2009

No Such Thing as The One

I have a raging egomaniac I try to keep caged up in myself. If I’m not vigilant, she shoots out of me like the alien in the thriller preview of that alien movie that I never ever wanted to see. So I can understand how romantic it would be to believe in The One, the only perfect other half in this world for me, my destiny. The reality, though, is profoundly more beautiful than the fantasy of God as my personal matchmaker.

If there were, for the sake of argument, just ONE particular person that God/the universe/stars-uncrossing created for me to find and love, the possibility follows that I might miss this person, not recognize this person at a crucial moment, or lose this person somehow. Then, I should be devastated. In fact, people believing this premise to be true, do feel devastated when any of those events seem to come to pass.

But time goes on, and we learn to love again, maybe even feel this sensation of finding our destiny and being the center of the universe again. This is possible, because The One is a myth - not because you were wrong about the last One! Remember applying for college and stressing out about making the right choice? It turned out that there was no right or wrong choice. Each college would have set your life in a new direction, and they all would have been great. An education is an education.

Love is love no matter who you love. Love isn’t a chest that can only be unlocked by a heaven-sent, custom-fitted key. Love is a part of you, of all humanity, and it makes us worth perpetuating in spite of the bad things we do. I think mankind comes out better as a whole in this worldview, and as individuals, we don’t have to stress out so much about nitpicking on someone’s faults or passing some random number birthday alone.

(Shoutout to Rodolfo at MIT procrastinating his PhD by talking out blog ideas with me! Te extraño aca.)


  1. Great post! I totally agree. The One isnt the Only One.

  2. Totally agreed. I think that the idea of The One is sad -- the idea that there's only one person out there we can truly love, and if we don't find them, or something happens to them, that's it. Stephen, my husband, certainly feels "The One"-ish at times, but then I think about the fact that no, there are other people out there who I could love just as much, and other people out there who could love him just as much, and thinking about all that love feels pretty darn good.

  3. I think people leave off the end of "finding The One" - it's finding The One AT THE RIGHT TIME. Success of relationships depend a lot of the place and time for the people in them. Meaning, that you might have dated The One in college...but taking the next step toward engagement or marriage or moving in made no sense based on your respective circumstances. On the other hand, you might find someone later whose place and time in life melds with yours and that makes them The One you hang onto.

  4. It kills me when people who insist on The One myth (The One that is meant for me) also insist The One arrive on schedule. Ashley's the one you decide to keep for good is much more reasonable. And Quixotic, all that love does feel pretty darn good. :)

    PS Y'all should check out Kevin's blog (click on his name). Cute cute son pictures.

  5. The motive behind finding the One already comes from a misunderstanding that there is someone out there who will fulfill all your needs, make you feel whole. It's a poverty mentality. These people scratch their heads wondering what's wrong out there, why the One isn't appearing, but I think they need to check themselves first and examine why they feel such lack. To echo some comments here, there are Many's, not just One. The fact that someone is so hell bent on finding the One is the problem because there ain't no ONE, and definitely not the One they've made up in their heads.

    "Love is love no matter who you love. Love isn’t a chest that can only be unlocked by a heaven-sent, custom-fitted key. Love is a part of you, of all humanity..."

    In that case, we should be going around asking instead, "What can 'I' do to be the One for everyone?" Not, "What can this One do for 'me'?"




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