Cultural Differences: Wedding Planning

Mom: It's ok if they just say this part of the ceremony in German. Everyone will get the idea from the context.
Cousin: Germans can all speak English. They study it in school.
Uncle: How can you assume Germans speak English?  I live in America, and I don't speak English.

Mom: Since the reception will be Asian food, I'm going to serve French snacks and cake at the ceremony.
Uncle: Won't Germans be sick of French food?
Me: What does French culture have to do with anything?

Aunt: You really need to get serious about losing weight; your wedding's just around the corner.
Sister: Are you kidding? She's lost weight. This is Ivy SKINNY! 
Aunt: Oh my god.
UPDATE - I'm adding the rest of this conversation due to interest.
Aunt: I didn't have a belly like that when I was your age.
Me: Like that's an accomplishment.
Sister: When you were her age in Vietnam, we were all starving.

Mom: These traditions date back to when all marriages were arranged in Vietnam. There was no love, because the bride and groom had never even met each other. It was all about commerce, which isn't anything to be proud of. If the girl was beautiful and a good student and could cook and bake and sew, her family might demand pigs and oxen for her. An ox back then is like a car or a small plane today.
Me: I did well in school, and I'm a great cook, but I'm a little chubby, too. How many oxen do you think I'm worth?
Friend: You'd get a donkey.

Dad: To help you with your wedding, I am going to give you some advice. Go get married at the courthouse and wait to have the real wedding until you've saved enough money to have the wedding you want. That way, if you divorce in the interim, no one will have to know.

Brother (writing about our online RSVP system): aWWWWW CHyeaaa!!!  Very nice site and very well organized!  Don't think anyone could have done it better.  Another FIRST in this family's history.  Even the eldest uncle could do this.

Grandma: Will many people be coming from Italy for the wedding?
Me: Grandma, he's German.
Grandma: German? Wouldn't it be closer if they came from Italy?