Can he stay? In America?

What we wore. Are we a more plausible couple with my hair down or my eyes closed?

It's not often that a relationship blogger is summoned by the government to demonstrate the legitimacy of her marriage, so I just had to take a break from marital bliss to give you the highlights from our interview with the Department of Homeland Security, Citizenship and Immigration Services, yesterday.

Immigration Official: When you met him, what made him stand out to you?

Me: HA! (nervous laughter)

IO: It's just my job to ask questions.

Me: He's just ...hot. And I already knew almost everyone else at that party.

IO: So he was new. Was he well-spoken?

Me: He was very forward.

IO: How so?

Me: Like when I was giving my phone number to another guy who I knew -in case our cars got separated- he just started taking it, too.

IO: That makes sense! What if the other guy's phone died?

Note: Even an immigration official will defend a foreigner who hijacks women's phone numbers, because they're men.

IO: Did you talk a lot at that party that first night you met?

Me: Not right away. There was another girl there who I'm close friends with, and he was trying to decide at first who to hit on.

IO: Yes, men do that. Women do that, too.

Beloved: (nods)

Me: Oh, is THAT what women do?

IO: Do you plan to practice polygamy?

B: No.

Me: Well, I don't think sister wives is a bad idea necessarily.

B: She's kidding. And I have my hands full with one wife.