Friend: my guy friends tell me that I come off demanding and hard to approach, and my girlfriends tell me that I'm too hard on guys, but I don't want to be a pushoverIvy: do you feel that people don't really know the real you when they first meet you?Friend: yes, and many people have told me after knowing me for awhile "when I first met you I thought you hated me"Ivy: hahaha! so what do you think people think about you at first? and what do you think people realize after they finally get to know you?Friend: I think it's in the look I give them. I developed the look to turn off scrubs, but I think it turns off stud muffins as well.Friend: at first, they think I'm very seriousFriend: once they get to know me, though, they realize that yes, I work hard, but I have maybe one serious bone in my bodyFriend: most people also think that I'm quiet when they first meet me, but then realize the exact opposite is trueIvy: so what should your ideal man love about you?Friend: the fact that i have my own mind, that I have goals and opinions, that I'm there no matter whatIvy: ok, so you're loyal, you're opinionated, independent and you have a sense of humorIvy: if a guy isn't in love with those 4 things, he needn't apply. Right?Friend: Correct!Ivy: ok, so how is the man who is scouring the earth looking for you, the loyal, opinionated, funny, independent woman of his dreams supposed to know you when he sees you, if you're scowling and keep your opinions to yourself when he meets you?Ivy: you're wearing camo! how's he supposed to find you that way?Friend: I never thought about it like that. I need to stop making it so hard for the hunterIvy: if the scrubs come, just say no, which you have no problem doing.Ivy: luckily, the real you is awesome, and your laugh and smile are gorgeous!! so if you're just you all the time, people will just come.Ivy: it's so awkward when people ask for advice, and all i can say is "stop being a douchebag"
Women today, we're strong. We have to be. Who has time for a breakup before a major client presentation? Sometimes, though, we misinterpret braggadocio for strength. For example, I met a joyful woman at a bachelorette getaway last weekend who declared loudly that all she wanted was a boytoy to pleasure and dine her and be disposed by her when she goes to grad school. Then, in other moments, she quietly suggested she might really want to love and to be loved - which she'd be great at, I think - and she wondered why that eluded her.
We put up walls of bombast and bitchiness to protect ourselves from those who might break our hearts, and we're afraid that people will see through these disguises, but the worst thing that can happen is that no one does. There is no valor nor gain to be had in hiding. In Eleanor Roosevelt's words, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." And it can be terrifying to simply be your humanly vulnerable or goofy or imperfectly beautiful or malaproptastic self, but love's looking for you -- just as you are.