Fight songs for lovers

Getting married isn't an accomplishment, but staying married is, and staying married is an accomplishment I'd like the bragging rights to one day. Today, for example: still married.

John Gottman, who runs the famous Love Lab (his book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work below), has data that proves that long-lasting couples don't disagree any less than troubled couples do. That's a relief, because my Beloved and I disagree ALL THE TIME.

Sometimes, these disagreements cannot really be resolved. Gottman says that's ok and sort of inevitable. A person with a bad elbow, he'd explain, can live a great life as long as he doesn't make playing tennis a central part of it. Cute metaphor, Johnny-boy, but it's not my elbow! It's my husband. How do I not I kill him? I use this playlist:

Flowers for the New Year

My new year well-wishes were worth every lucky dollar.

Because Lunar New Year is not a national holiday where I live, the boisterous celebration of hope will have to wait until next Saturday. I don't mind. I been waiting a while for a new start.

Two years ago, Tet was on a Sunday (and also Valentine's Day), so I'd planned an epic New Year's Eve party with delights like home-made mangosteen sorbet. My mom was coming from out of state to be a part of my Beloved's proposal - and we would be able to announce our engagement at the party, too. But that week, the sort of tragedy that stops time happened - time like the helpless moment when you've lost control of your car. I've been stuck in that fishtail moment, that terrible sliding before nothing-good, but this year, I finally feel my life coming un-paused.

When we have kids...

 My Beloved last night: Maybe when we have kids, we should give them one present on Christmas Eve to keep that German tradition, but give them another present on Christmas morning like the American kids.

Me: That could work.

Beloved: They'll post about their early presents on Facebook or whatever, and all the other kids will be jealous and wish they had a German dad!

Me: Yeah. No one wants an Asian mom.

At least Buddhist children don't get punished by Krampus.

 

Can he stay? In America?

What we wore. Are we a more plausible couple with my hair down or my eyes closed?

It's not often that a relationship blogger is summoned by the government to demonstrate the legitimacy of her marriage, so I just had to take a break from marital bliss to give you the highlights from our interview with the Department of Homeland Security, Citizenship and Immigration Services, yesterday.

Immigration Official: When you met him, what made him stand out to you?

Me: HA! (nervous laughter)

IO: It's just my job to ask questions.

Mom's Unconditional Love

I finished reading The Art of Description by Mark Doty over two months ago, but I can't shelve the book, because I keep needing to read this poem he quotes to feel sane.  It's the poem I've been in no shape to write.  Do you identify with the mother racked with unconditional love? The practical, and probably rightly angry speaker?  Or the speaker at the end, who suddenly realizes and marvels at the weight of this mother's love - as mysterious and beautiful as the moon?

How's Married Life?

I separated 3 packs of M&Ms by color to decorate this
Eurovision-Dusseldorf cake... for love.

1. How's married life?
2. Does it feel different being married?
3. What's your new name?

These are the most common questions I've fielded since my wedding, and that can mean only one thing: the People demand a Shut Up and Love blog post on these three topics.

Here's a full report, eight dear readers: weddings and marriages have nothing to do with each other.